Taught by Jay and Barb Shelbrack, 11/2/2008

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Jay and Barb Shelbrack (3rd couple from right) teach the Marriage Class

Have deep convictions about communication in your marriage. Miscommunication will cause unnecessary strife in your marriage. Men and women may not think alike. Don’t assume you know what your wife wants. Communication is important to God. He wants you to be a great and faithful communicator.

In the Old Testament, at the Tower of Babel, God knew that if the peoples’ language was confused, they would not succeed. Communication is so important in your marriage. You will succeed if you go after having godly communication.

James 1:19-25
Be quick to listen, slow to speak. When you are on the defensive, you are not really listening to your spouse. Listen to God. If you are prideful, you aren’t listening. Philippians 2 says to consider others better than yourself. Humility and listening breeds humility and listening.

James 1:23-24
- If you look in the mirror during your anger or argument, that should help you to stop your sin.

Proverbs 10-19 When words are many, sin is not absent.

Communication sets the tone for the whole household. Start right with God every morning first thing. Have family meetings on godly communication. Be trained to deal with your feelings responsibly.

Do you get angry when things are out of control? Be responsible before God to control your reactions. Extend grace in your marriage.

James 4:1-6 What causes fights and quarrels among you…
Fights are caused when you want something but don’t get it. That’s coveting. That’s not righteous. People want to be in control because they don’t trust God. How you speak will influence the rest of the family. Be respectful in how you speak to each other. Be a calming force. That’s faith.

Practical Tips for Great Communication in your Marriage
- Talk daily about plans.
- Talk multiple times per day. That helps bring security into relationship.
- Trust wisdom of your spouse. Value input from your spouse.
- Wives usually don’t like surprises. Run plans by your spouse well in advance.
- Have calendar times every week.
- Talk about finances.
- Talk about each others To-Do lists.
- Talk about each others ministry.
- Get advice when can’t agree.
- Be humble. God opposes the proud (James 4:6). Takes humility to find grace.
- Don’t have hidden issues. Get open in your discipling relationships. Deal with issues faithfully.
- Don’t exaggerate. Be honest. Deceit is not an option.

James 3:4-6 Taming the tongue.
- Be careful about what you say. Once you say it you can never take it back. Scars can be left behind.
- Watch your body language too.
- Draw each other out in conversation. Be patient. Don’t try to fix spouse right away. Listen.
- Respect feelings of spouse.
- Deny self with ungodly feelings.
- Take your marriage to a higher level of patience and commitment.
- Be united emotionally. This takes work and communication.
- Don’t get home at the end of the day and “put your cross down.” That’s being selfish. Give to each other. Find ungiving patterns in your marriage and decide to break them.
- There no time in your marriage to not give. Remember how much you gave to each other while dating.
- To-Do lists are important but be full of grace. What’s important you your spouse should become important to you. Consider the interests of spouse, not just your own. Don’t think your list is better. Philippians 2:3-4.
- Don’t be critical. Deal in your own mind with critical thoughts. Jesus was full of grace.
- You will change your marriage if you change your communication. Inspire and encourage each other.

Proverbs 10:14 Mouth of a fool invites ruin

Proverbs 10:19
- Hold your tongue.

Proverbs 12:18
- Does what you say heal or destroy?

Proverbs 12:19
- Have truthful lips.

Proverbs 12:23
- Think before you communicate.

Proverbs 13:3
- Guard your lips = guard your life.
- Invest in your marriage and have loving communication. Learn to rescue each other. That’s what Jesus does.

Categories: Marriage, Sermons
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